I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
In relationships built around traumatic bonding there is often a lack of understanding about balance, boundaries, and the ways we cope. We may not have seen healthy examples of these. First I accidentally detonated my traumatically bonded relationships. It took a long time. I was incredibly wrapped up in the bonding. I thought a particular person was the only one who could bring me back if I went manic again or got too depressed. I invested all my energy into the friendship.
Eventually, it blew up in my face. I knew this was my Achilles heel the drain on all my energy and the thing holding me back. Not the relationship itself, but rather the obsession with it. I spent years working trying to work on the obsession and I learned a lot about myself in the process. In the end, I wrote an exorcism for my obsession at the same time my obsession crossed the final line and my friendship dissolved.
Since then I make note of when my mind and body is trying to bond with someone because I hear the same story of pain and trauma in them. My brain is trying to find a pack to run with but I have a pack now. I have plenty of friends for dinners and brunches, game nights, and hiking trips and I relish these times.
I have quite a few friends who are self-aware and have plenty of social skills. We easily make plans to get brunch and we both know the other person is going to show up. I have a good time with them and I enjoy their company.
One of my best friends disappears for months at a time. It took me decades to figure out how to do things differently. How to go from seeking approval of others to approving of myself and simply being with others. When my friend calls I talk because he puts a smile on my face.
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This frees up my energy for self-care and for the friends who do respond consistently. I can maintain these friendships which nurture me and in so doing I have the energy to be there for the friends still figuring themselves out. How do you bond with people? What are you seeking from your interactions? How do you direct your energy in your relationships? Become a member.
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Get started. And how we can shift our experiences. Here are some ways to create and cultivate lasting friendships:. Be you. The greatest gift you can give to others is you—the real you. So, pull off your mask and be authentic! Be friendly. Mother was right; you have to be a friend to have a friend. Be encouraging. The kind words you have for others are a balm for their soul. Spread them liberally. Be interesting. Cultivate yourself so you have something to share with others. Be loyal. Through thick and thin, be loyal to your friend. Be enriching.
A true friend adds value to others by having a lifestyle of value. Be understanding. Seek first to understand your friend. Then you can help them understand you. Be direct. If misunderstandings arise, tackle them head-on with gentle honesty.
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Never let a disagreement fester and damage a friendship. Be accepting. Be flexible. So do friendships. Let it be okay to have changing degrees of closeness with your friends. Be available. Our busy lives make time a very precious commodity. Schedule regular time with friends and stay in contact via email, text, or phone calls. Be a listener. Awesome quotes on friendship. These are best for defining true friendship in its true meaning. Thanks for sharing. I just wanted to say that your website is the reason I started mine!
I love reading your site daily.
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I genuinely enjoy reading your articles. Your web page provided us useful information. You have done an outstanding job. I have had a lot of fake friends , but one has made live up to all my goals and left me wanting more.
Ultimately the bond of all companionship whether marriage or friendship is conversationB- thats so true open up today. Friends are really very important in our life. Earlier I believed that friendship is nothing but just a jock. But later on I realised friendship when my friend helped me in my problems. I asked three friends whom I believed useless, but all of them were ready to lend me money. And from the following time, i began to believe on friendship. Thank you for providing useful thoughts.
One of the most outstanding collection of quotes on friendship I have had the good fortune of reading. Each one is unique and stands on its own. Well done! A truer friend pushes you and pushes you until you reach your goals or pushes you until you succeed. You too? I thought I was the only one. Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. Just walk beside me and be my friend. I have no notion of loving people by halves; it is not my nature.
Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up. Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? He may not seem such a good friend after telling. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.
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As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.